i'm lost..

recently .  working isnt effective at all... 

quarreling over and over again .. what's the problem ?

idk what is happening y'know ?

but i'm tired.. i'm really tired of every shit already . your attitude...

do i expect too much ? time, attention , care and concern. that's what i'm asking for only . 

is that alot ? isnt that what a boyfriend should do ? what have you given me ? money and a shelter.

i rather not have that you know ? what am i to you ?

i dont even look like your girlfriend . 

you know , even when i'm sick . i dont even dare to tell you . cos i know you'll either not give a fuck or scold me. when would u even care?

sometimes. i envy couples outside .... i really do ... i dont even have friends now. i only have you .  wo ba ni dang chen quan bu . ni que ba wo dang chen kong qi .

why ? wo dui qing dui ai quan dou be zen kui qian ni.

i'm tired ... you didnt gave me ANY attention. basic respect ... when i'm out with you , i dont even look like your girlfriend. just someone that follows everywhere you go . 

everyday we're quarreling ... not even a day we're not quarreling . NOT EVEN A DAY.

how cool is that ?

maybe we isnt fit fit to be together . 

if really one day i'm sick ... and i'm admitted to e hospital. i wonder if you would be bother to visit . would you even bother to concern.

it hurts damn lot. you hurt me alot...

maybe there is other better girl even suitable for you outside... all the best to you boy. hope you'll really find a girl to tahan your bloody attitude for 2 fucking years. accept you even you betrayed her over and over again . living with you . able to be okay if you dont give a fuck a bout her, when she is sick, dont bother . blames everything on her . well. goodluck man :) i know you are able to find someone else :) 

but will it last is another question . hopefully you can.

你 想要 的

我 却 不能 够 给 你 我 全部

我 能 给 的

却 又 不 是 你 想要 拥有 的

我们 不适 合 也 不 想 认输

好 几 次 我们 抱 着 彼此 都 是 想要 哭

你 常 解释 这样 的 一切 都 只是 开始

我 觉得 是 所有 的 一切 早 就 已 结束

不 想 再 约束

不要 再 痛苦

下 一次 会 有 更好 的 情 路

sighs

dead tired... but yet. i'm still awake...
nao i  know. this is how you treat your friends.... this is how important your friends are to you.
your friends treats you so good. and this is how you treat them ?
you must be grateful you have them...

recently. i dont know what the fuck is happening to you .  i'm tired .. really ..
your words are fucking awfull till i feel like slapping you and just leave.
but i cant you asshole. why ? fuckyou .
i know i'm till my limits already ... please ... not again... just one last time and i swear i'll leave . i'm okay to have nothing at all.
it's not that it never happened before... i have a home too . i have a heart, i'm a human okay. it's just that  i've choose to stay with you . and you wanted it isnt it ?
i can go home. i can go work myself. and if you want to . i can support myself since i'm working nao...
like this . you wouldnt have anything to say bout me ... i owe you . is cos i'm staying at your place... i owe you cos in the past , you didnt allow me to work and you have to pay for my expenses .
i know i owe you . i can apologize. if you think i'm too much for that ... then i can go home . i dont mind.

i'm very tired nao . but yet your words you've told me just now. i'm not able to sleep beside you  . and your attitude. i know i'll surely get hurt by you . idw to get wounds anymore....
cant be in jie room cos she wanted to sleep . i'm in the living room and i'm super sleepy. yet i coundnt sleep. have to work in the morning shift later, hesitating to go work anot......

sometimes i'm thinking ... i'm just 16 ... i wanna lead a life that every 16 year old is having now. to have some fun. nothing to think about . just enjoy life... everyone of u all have went through my age. why couldnt you all understand ?

y'know ? u've alr moved on the the pther stage already... but i'm not ready yet... i'm still young. i want to have fun.. cant you understand? i lil freedom... a lil care, a lil attention.. that's all.... is it that hard?
it's not like i'm gonna go fucking around ?

i'm afraid now i couldnt take your attitude anymore... once i couldnt... idk what i'll do... hope you know what to do ... these days... everyday wo guo de hen bu kuai le... nomatter at work, friends or with you.... i'm tired alreadyy ,, i've pulled through so long idk how long more i could take...

我爱你。

Started in my working life not long ... FUCKEDUP colleague -.-
Very tired .. But I've noticed that work can actually distract me alot .
I've noticed I've not been emo-ing ever sinced I've started work.
Though it's very tiring . But it's worth it I guess ..
Baobei ... Don't know why but I feel you swaying further from me each day.. Seemed so far .. Trying to get back the feeling .. But I can't seemed to get back that feeling .
Dreamt of you falling for another girl today.. I'm afraid that it might happen .. I cannot lose you. I really cannot lose you .. Idk why.. Sorry that I'm relying on you so much. But without you. It seems nothing alr ... Hais...
Caught a picture with you today. It's been a long time ever since we took a picture ...

Recently you Hav much family problem... I know you are very upset cos of this.. I'm sorry I can't do anything to help. I really hope I can do something bout it . But I can't .. I'm sorry ...

.......

Currently at clementi party world nao... Everyone is enjoying . But I can't seem to pull up my mood ....
I know you're hiding something from me ...
I hope you won't put me into disappointment again... I'm really afraid of that feeling .
You said you will change de .. You promised de ...
Please for this time jiu Hao ... You broke EVERY promise you've given .. Please don't break it this time ....
Read thru things you've told me in TH past..
Idk what to say alr .... Lost...

_|_

FUCKYOU BASTARD.
YOU'RE SERIOUSLY PISSING MY PANTS OFF MAN. FUCKYOU, FUCKOU UNDERSTAND.
Don't think you got money can step one big fuck.
The worse thin I hate bout friends is weiji mong kok.
Know you how long Liao. U know her how long only .
And she not even your girlfriend people close with her you jealous kamlan ah ?
GIVE JIAOBIN. STUPID FUCKFACE.
NOT HAPPY SAY LA. no need give fuck face one . _|_ PUACB.
WITHOUT us , impossible you will know her laa hor. WITHOUT US, it's impossible for you to see her again.
You want cb, we can play with you.
Mother fucker . Stop your jiao attitude & that fucking fuck face . _|_
Mother fucking hairy monster .

Beautiful memorize .

Nothing much happened recently .. Just a little bits and pieces of quarrels .
Got lectured by every one . Therefore , I realize I'm really a very failed girlfriend. I always over looked myself. Over confident that I'm still the best girl among TH ones you've met before . I apologize for every mistake I've done . I'm sorry I'm not able to be the best one. I'll slowly change. I promise .
Gentling would be our best memorize . Thankyou for everything . I love you..

Tired ..

So many things that I wanted to say . But I can't . Baby, I'm sorry . I really love you . I really do . <3

Genting -
Was kinda fun , yet tiring ..
Was very happy during that period of time .. Though what I wanted most was some alone time ..
But it's okay .
Baby . Happy belated anniversary ... I love you

fml

i'm alright now...
help to blog your dead blog ....
feeling much btr...
recently you're busy working. busy playing ur phone , friends ... not much time for me ..
we're drifting further and further from each other every single day ...
sometimes... i'm really tired of putting so much effort. nomatter how much i've done. you'll always be asking for more... never appreciated... very tired... i'm always th one,... it feels lyk one sided love you know ?
i dont know when i'll break down . i dont know... but anytime....
i'm tired of trying to work out this relationship, mending all the holes,
helping you with all your problems..
but when i have mine ? it's either you kpkb. or ignore...
i have to clear everything myself.. sometime ...i dont even have someone to turn to . i know i cant turn to you cos you're not gonna bother ..
i'm so tired .... tired of these one sided love thing ..... shit my life...


random pics...

hen tong... zhen de hen tong...

back posting....
having a itchy hand .... why do i even go back and see that blog ?
 why isnt it fair ?

i'm always jealous of her . her & me , is there any difference ?
why ? why treat me and treat her so big difference ?why ?
i dont get it why ?

tears cant stop dropping.... i guess no one could understand this pain...
though it's past.....
i dont know how to express . it's unbearable ...
gonna buy somethings to make me forget....

你伤害了我，还一笑而过。

Time past...
Long time ever since I've last blogged .
Time past, things changes .
It's never like before ...
Feeling hopeless ... If only I had a time machine ...
Might be going to genting next month with boyfriend....
Well. That's all...

Heartache.....

Browsed through our photos..
Having alot heartache and question marks...
Even the sweetest memorize we'rnt trueful. Why?
What's makes u think I deserve such treatment. I didn't do anything wrong .
As a grilfriend, 我觉得我已经做够了。
Is this karma ?
我累了。我真的累了.
I hope I can stop putting afford alr.
Atlease I won't get hurt that much. I'm really tired of everything.
What can hurt me the most in my life is relationship. Fail. A total failure.. Argh. Fuck you... For lettin me go through this pain. Karma will surely Fuck u back ...

I'm more and more disappointed in ur attitude these days . Just fuck it okay.
I've given in to u in the fact that ur friends were more important . Okay .
That's what's with ur fucking attitude ?! I've given in alot these days alr.
And ur e-mail too? Just shit you.
You're just lucky that I love you. If not. I'll alr leave you.

And . I cherish my relationship with her alot . And if one day we really drift off cos of u. I swear I will hate you.
She's been there for me even more then you . Accompany me thru those fuck mood that you've given me. Try'na cheer me up when u give me shit . Help me solve my problem.
Whatever it is. If anything happen between us. I will hate u. Forever.

hello

i'm back blogging.. i realise i've been neglecting my blog for quite some time.

i've been sitting alone thinking alot of things. out of a sudden. our past just run through my mind.
dont you miss our past?
maybe that wasnt the real yoou at that moment. but atlease you're your real you now.

i appreciate everything you've done for me . i really do. in the past, and now. i do.
although i'm still not sure abt ur feeling for me now. still feeling insecure now. but i love you.
even more then the past. a lil bit  more each time you trynna make me feel secure.

i'm always looking for the memories that belongs to us. but i cant find any. i've always been looking for that special place that belong to us. but i still cant find any. but in this 18 month relationship. i've learnt alot of things.
all the lil things you've done is all in my heart,
everythings. good or bad.. all.

i wonder how much am i worth to you. cos you're very important to me. more then what i can express.
i hope u can know all these things. cos i can say it all out.

i remember all the lil promised you've made to me... the sweet moments. i miss them all.
i remember being together, dating. th "i cant lose you" feeling.
the tight hugs. the exitment feeling whenever we see each other. the shy moment when you looked into my eyes.

but it's enough already. all this memorize. it's enough to make me remember it forever.
nomatter what happens in the future. be it still tgt or not. i'll still remember it...

30th story, csc, east coast park, xiao gui lin, sheesha, sky park, bukit panjang, hougang, serangoon, vivo city, blk 369, wu pa bie shu. manymany more...

baby. i really love you. and i hope u know it....

i'm bored. so here i am doing this again (:

NAME: Priscilla.

AGE: 16

BIRTHDATE: 061196

PRESENT ADDRESS: Bukit batok

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. last beverage = vitasoy 

2. last phone call = Wang weiqiang

3. last text message = Wang weiqiang

4. last song you listened to = tian hou

5. last time you cried = forgotten

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. dated someone twice = Yes.

7. been cheated on = yea

8. kissed someone & regretted it = Ya.

9. lost someone special = Yea

10. been depressed = Yah!

11. been drunk and threw up = -.- YES

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. black

13. blue

14. pink

LAST YEAR (2010), HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend = Ya.

16. Fallen out of love = yea

17. Laughed until you cried = yea

18. Met someone who changed you = YAH!

19. Found out who your true friends were = Yea.

20. Found out someone was talking about you = Ya.

21. Kissed anyone on your FB friend's list = NO.

GENERAL:

22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life = most of them!

24. Do you have any pets = yeas

25. Do you want to change your name = No.

26. What did you do for your last birthday = drinking and ktv.

27. What time did you wake up today = 12:30

28. What were you doing at midnight last night = scribbling

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = my boyfr t bring me go swimming and gaigai :D

30. Last time you saw your Mother = she's a week ago.

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = MY ATTITUDE

32. What are you listening to right now = nothing.

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? = no.

34. What's getting on your nerves right now = nothing

37. Nickname = zhu & lao shu -.-

38. Relationship Status = Attch.

39. Zodiac sign = scopio

40. He or She = huh?

41. Elementary = Yio chu kang.

42. High School = hougang sec

43. College = -

44. Hair color = Abit brown

45. Long or short = Long.

46. Height = 155 i think

47. Do you have a crush on someone? = nah

48. What do you like about yourself? = dont know

49. Piercings = no

50. Tattoos = No.

51. Righty or lefty= Righty.

FIRSTS :

52. First surgery = Nope

53. First piercing = Forget :/ .

54. First best friend dont remember

55. First sport you joined = dont remember

56. First vacation = MALAYSIA

58. First pair of trainers = hur ?

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating = Nothing.

60. Drinking = Nothing.

61. I'm about to = sleep .

62. Listening = suave / kiss me

63. Waiting for = nth

YOUR FUTURE :

64. Want kids? = YEP

65. Get Married? = yes

66. Career? = yah

WHICH IS BETTER :

67. Lips or eyes = both!

68. Hugs or kisses= hugs

69. Shorter or taller = taller

70. Older or Younger = older

71. Romantic or spontaneous = both .

72. Nice stomach or nice arms = both-.-

73. Sensitive or loud = NONE

74. Hook-up or relationship = Relationship.

75. Trouble maker or hesitant = None.

HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger = yes , during true or dare

77. Drank hard liquor = Yah.

78. Lost glasses/contacts = NOPE

79. Sex on first date = NO.

80. Broke someone's heart = yea LOL

81. Had your own heart broken = Ya.

82. Been arrested = ya-.-

83. Turned someone down = ya.

84. Cried when someone died = ya . DUH

85. Fallen for a friend = Yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself = sometimes

87. Miracles = ya. sometimes.

88. Love at first sight = no

89. Heaven = Ya.

90. Santa Claus = No-.-

91. Kiss on the first date = yea

92. Angels = Ya.

Fuck this shit.

FUCK THIS SHIT. FUCK EVERYONE FUCK EVERY PIECE OF SHIT OKAY.
What's wrong with people today. Nb.

Seriously.
Firstly. I didnt say anything about u wishing me for our anniversary for the past 6 months.
FYI. IF U HAVEN'T REALIZE We didn't celebrate OUR ANNIVERSARY for the past 6months and I'M OKAY WITH THAT.
BUT. u didn't realize that you've been neglecting our relationship ALOT lately.
You've been planing to meet ur whoever friends during ALL Ur off days . And u expect me to accompany u. EVEN ON OUR ANNIVERSARY . YOU WANT ME TO ACCOMPANY U TO MEET UR FRIENDS.
U can plan to do everything with YOUR FRIENDS and all I can is shut my bloody mouth and fucking follow. Wut else ?
Then ?! What's next ? Even on EVERY of our anniversary .

Wtf is wrong with you ? Okay. Imagine the time u spend with me. Not counting the days in army but after you ORD. You've never went out with me once. and I meant NEVER.

And then here comes your LOL.
In EVERY TEXT MESSAGES. LOL LOL LOL LOL & STILL, LOL.
Does anything I've said in the text made u laugh or does it even sounds funny? FUCK YOU SERIOUSLY.

That's enough. AND TODAY. I've been so pissed off with my bloody teAcher alr. And I was trying to find someone to talked to. You. You were the ONLY ONE who can hear me talk. And then. You, bloody ignored me. Eh wtf is wrong with you.
Then ?! Everyone starts to ignore. And from now. I'll shut the fuck up and make sure u don't think I'm bloody attitude-ing you okay.

You were the one who starts giving me shits. I'll return u all your bloody shits you gave me and make sure u bth.
Seriously....

Exam period. U didn't once tell me goodluck for your exam. After i came back. U didn't once asked me how's my exam.
Everyday after you ended work. I'll ask u how's your work. Try'nna chill the hell out of u if you're angry with ur costumer . Trynna sweet talk more to make u happy. Do our house chores for you. Do everything for you. But if u're gonna take everything for granted. I'll stop. I swear I'll stop. If u think I ain't good enuf. Go find someone btr. Find someone else who can tolerate ALL UR SHITS. accept the type of person you are. FORGIVING U OVER AND OVER AGAIN FOR THE SAME MISTAKE. for fucking around with other girls. Try that. See which girl who can do that.

Treat u good take me for granted . Ccb. Want end , end earlier la. Don't waste my time seriously. You think there's btr girls outside waiting for you? I have to.

I think I deserve btr then this treatment you're giving me. And you're the second guy which fucking threw money on my face. Try that one more fucking time . -'-

And don't think u give me money for a living means I OWE YOU. I DON'T OWE U. YOU YOURSELF DON'T WANNA LET ME WORK. so don't blame me for using ur money. And I don't spend much of ur money. I only spend 3dollars of ur money everyday

not feeling good

sometimes i wonder? what am i expecting from you . i dont know.
kill me for th curiousity of your past. now who the hell is gracious now ? gosh. seriously . past few day i know the storey behind that hey be. then i know joyce. and now gracious.

how much more can i know ? fuck it shit . this seriously freaks me out alot. knowing so much facts that i hope it shouldnt be that way ?
it scares me alot . now what am i gonna do ? red bull? fuck this shit seriously. i give up....

If only I had a time machine...

Boy. You've finally changed slowly.
I can see your changes. I'm happy.
But slowly. I've learnt to see your troubles too.. Money issues, your family troubles..

I'm sorry for being a burden to you.
I know being with me is very stressful.
My family. Me..
Most importantly. Money.
If only i didn't mix with th wrong group. If only I've learnt how to think earlier.
Maybe. I wouldn't be like this now.
If only I'm not your girlfriend now. You wouldn't be so unhappy.
I'm sucha failed girlfriend. I demands things from you. Even I know you're tired. I want you to accompany me. I kill your freedom, I need you with me all the time. I couldn't sleep if you're nt around. I couldn't make decisions without you. Sorry. Sorry for being sucha burden to you.

I can't make u smile. I make u Pek cek all the time..

An now I realize.. You don't smile so often as th past. You're no longer cheerful.
If only I can make you smile. Make you happy. I'm sorry for being useless.
I'm sorry I couldn't do anything seeing you so xin ku....
I really wished I could do something for you. But I don't know what to do. 
I'm sorry.. I'm sorry...

我不可能忘記.

Hi. I'm back.
Haven't been posting for quite a while.
Back to vent everything outta my heart...

It's been very horrible these days. I'm sick, i haven't been going to school for quite some time already.

1. My grandfather's hospitalized again. But this time. Doctor told us to get our heart prepared.
Prayed hard... Hoping you could passed through this stage. I hope you're okay now. 

2. RELATIONSHIP.
Idk why. But we are drifting further and further each day from the day you've started work.

The time you're willing to spend with me seems lesser & lesser too.
Even your off days... Maybe you're too tired. Or maybe you need a rest for this relationship. Or maybe a rest away from me. Is it me ? Am I the one who is actually the one who think-Ed too much?

Today. I've noticed you've exchanged numbers from girls again..
It is not even a month full you're outside working...
Or is it me being too sensitive?

These days... I'm very depressed.
Feeling insecure..
I'm not a good girlfriend.. I can't even handle this relationship properly..
I know I'm nothing btr then your ex girlfriends. I understands why you'll look at pretty girls outside. Cos, I'm not pretty enough, couldn't be th one you could look at everyday. I know why you've don't often bring me out. Cos I couldn't be that girl you could show off to your friend..

I don't have big boobs.
I don't have good figures.
I don't have good looks.
I don't have a sweet tongue.
I don't have a good family background.
I'm not rich. I can't study. I'm not those girlish type of person. I don't know how to cook. I don't know how to make you happy. I don't know how to love you the way you've wanted.

I'm sorry that I'm not a perfect girlfr.
I'm sorry I can't be like how others are.
I'm sorry that I've to rely on you so much. I'm sorry for everything .
And finally .. Sorry for being sucha failed girlfriend..

Some random pictures... Those happy moments that I miss ....