Baby you got me falling apart. 

Things haven't been going smoothly . I wonder why. I've just re-read everything of our past. 3 different stages we've gone thru. Things changes. Isn't it? I missed everything thing we once had . Those moments where you're so afraid to lose me. Those moments you kiss me gently where heart beats faster. Thight hugs. Ur innocent look when you look into my eyes. Not afraid t tell everyone I'm your girlfriend. Things wouldn't go back like this isn't it?
You've just proved t me just now that you don't love me as much as th past, I'm not as important as ur friends , and sin tua. There's loads more that I wished I could say it all out and u could all understand it. But you just don't .....
If you'll notice me again. You'll know that I'm alone and afraid for months. I'm still here in e dark. Waiting for ur return . 

sometimes i wonder. is this relationship right? do i really deserve treatments that i dont deserve t get? or is this actually what i really deserve? i dont know. questions doubt me alot. this relationship gave me alot of doubt. or should i say, YOU, gave me alot of doubt. i dont know, dont understand. yet very curious of all these answers. i know all my answers will not be answered anyway. it's obvious enough that all u want is freedom, preety girls, fun and "flirt" as i can see. but is this what u really want? what u really really want ? for a year plus relationship. dont u think it's time for u t settle down alr? you're 21 years old alr. i know you'll say it's not time yet. but when? u told me 35 years. do u think i could wait so long? i'm alr almost at my limits already. what do u expect? dont u think i've done enough? i've lose all my own friends. then quarrels. after that assuming that i had sex with all of YOUR friends that i've been out with. followed by all those betrayal you've done . why ? when i dress up, you'd say that i'm a very lose person & i dress up for wanting e mindset of flirting with your friends. when i dont , you think that i'm not good looking . there's alot of things that i'm very upset about . truths that is very unacceptable that i hav t accept. it's hard for me . y'know? i'm always alone. dispite being in a relationship with you. not by "face t face" being tgt, but mentally, physically, you're always not there. everything u do. seems t pissed me off. u knew i dont like it. but u still do it. is it very pleasing t see me getting hurt? is it so fun hurting me so much ? sometimes i wonder. are u really th right person t be with. to be in a relationship with me . is it? trying hard not t care doesnt seems like it's working . and i know you'll never be t one who understands me. even your SISTER understands me more then you do. even me, understand u more then u understand me. you arnt making any afforts in this relationship, yett, i'm th only one trying hard t make this relationship right. say it truefully, i'm still hesitating t continue this relationship . t continue get hurt by you again and again . i'm still very lost. who will be by my side this time ? defitnately not u i know.

We've been quarreling very often these days. It it really gonna end alr? Hav I alr given up? Questions in my mind . Not answered. Having insomnia . Trying t get all my question answered. I only hav very great disappointment in you.
Once again, i'm feeling very lost. What should I do? What can I do?
I'm breaking down. With ur attitude.
I don know what should I do.
Struggling alone... This time. Who will be there for me ? Hugging me. Tellin me everythings alright. ?
Remeber what you've told me on 011110?
You held me close and told me.
From today , you're mine. I won't let u shed a single tear. I'll always be here for you. Protecting u. I won't let anyone harm you. Scare you. I will take Care of you.

Are all these words fake? It's been a year. We've been thru so much. Why? Why are these things happening?
Are you bored of me alr? Are u?

I'm doubting alot of things in my mind. Thinking alot of things. But my answers will never be answered. I'm afraid. Very afraid. I'm trying not t tear. Trying not t break down. Cause I know this time , no one will be here for me
anymore . I afraid of this feeling . Th feeling of losing someone. Th feeling of being hurt.
But once again. I had this feeling again.. Help.. Can someone help me!

Day 24 - the person that gave you your favorite memory.

weiqiang. he's th one who gave me e greatest memorize and th worse .
you'll never know how much hurt and pain you're giving these days. i couldnt take th stress. i'm really breaking down . sooner or later..
why ? am i really not that good enuf for u ?

really? really not good enuf?
i made 3 whishesh on my birthday. and that 3 is all wishing about u .
1st, is hoping that u can be faithful t me.
2nd, if hoping u can commit t this relationship.
3rd - not gonna say.

this year's birthday is recieving disappointment and tears.
i've been crying throughout today.

i dont know what t say. but just disappointment i can say.
hurt... really.

so what if you're financially supporting me? it makes me feel that i'm like a chicken.
that u want me just for ur needs. it's not just for today. it's been months that i have this feeling . we've been swaving away very fast. but you're trying ur best t hurt me . and i'm trying my best t heal myself.

if one day some how i just move on without you. even if u beg me back. i wont .

my birthday present my boyfr and my family gave me this year is just tears ...