bits and pieces ♡

havent been for a year i guess... things have changed alot.  i've changed too.
my life hav been awfully sweet and bitter these 12 months. 
lots of ups and downs.  but , i've still pull through. 
life is really being a bitch. anyway. in a blink of a eye, its august of 2013 already. 
planning to go for a holiday on my birthday.  really hopes it'll turn right.  anyway, someone is gonna pay for my plane tics and the hotel. i'd just have to fog out the money for the expenses there..

well. lets share a lil of what im going through all these time .

life was being a bitch. . and yup, im single. but i dont give a fuck anymore. 
i've understand a point where all human beings couldnt be trusted.  you've just need to decide whose worth and duh, he isnt. 

seriously,  i'm having a hard time pulling through the stage that i've to be single. BUT NOW. im done.
i've decided nt to bother anymore.  and life still carries on. 

i dont wish to be so disappointed everytime and go through the same pain over and over again. i feel stupid -.-

so fuck it and life still goes on.
i love my life now.

i'm lost..

recently .  working isnt effective at all... 

quarreling over and over again .. what's the problem ?

idk what is happening y'know ?

but i'm tired.. i'm really tired of every shit already . your attitude...

do i expect too much ? time, attention , care and concern. that's what i'm asking for only . 

is that alot ? isnt that what a boyfriend should do ? what have you given me ? money and a shelter.

i rather not have that you know ? what am i to you ?

i dont even look like your girlfriend . 

you know , even when i'm sick . i dont even dare to tell you . cos i know you'll either not give a fuck or scold me. when would u even care?

sometimes. i envy couples outside .... i really do ... i dont even have friends now. i only have you .  wo ba ni dang chen quan bu . ni que ba wo dang chen kong qi .

why ? wo dui qing dui ai quan dou be zen kui qian ni.

i'm tired ... you didnt gave me ANY attention. basic respect ... when i'm out with you , i dont even look like your girlfriend. just someone that follows everywhere you go . 

everyday we're quarreling ... not even a day we're not quarreling . NOT EVEN A DAY.

how cool is that ?

maybe we isnt fit fit to be together . 

if really one day i'm sick ... and i'm admitted to e hospital. i wonder if you would be bother to visit . would you even bother to concern.

it hurts damn lot. you hurt me alot...

maybe there is other better girl even suitable for you outside... all the best to you boy. hope you'll really find a girl to tahan your bloody attitude for 2 fucking years. accept you even you betrayed her over and over again . living with you . able to be okay if you dont give a fuck a bout her, when she is sick, dont bother . blames everything on her . well. goodluck man :) i know you are able to find someone else :) 

but will it last is another question . hopefully you can.

你 想要 的

我 却 不能 够 给 你 我 全部

我 能 给 的

却 又 不 是 你 想要 拥有 的

我们 不适 合 也 不 想 认输

好 几 次 我们 抱 着 彼此 都 是 想要 哭

你 常 解释 这样 的 一切 都 只是 开始

我 觉得 是 所有 的 一切 早 就 已 结束

不 想 再 约束

不要 再 痛苦

下 一次 会 有 更好 的 情 路

sighs

dead tired... but yet. i'm still awake...
nao i  know. this is how you treat your friends.... this is how important your friends are to you.
your friends treats you so good. and this is how you treat them ?
you must be grateful you have them...

recently. i dont know what the fuck is happening to you .  i'm tired .. really ..
your words are fucking awfull till i feel like slapping you and just leave.
but i cant you asshole. why ? fuckyou .
i know i'm till my limits already ... please ... not again... just one last time and i swear i'll leave . i'm okay to have nothing at all.
it's not that it never happened before... i have a home too . i have a heart, i'm a human okay. it's just that  i've choose to stay with you . and you wanted it isnt it ?
i can go home. i can go work myself. and if you want to . i can support myself since i'm working nao...
like this . you wouldnt have anything to say bout me ... i owe you . is cos i'm staying at your place... i owe you cos in the past , you didnt allow me to work and you have to pay for my expenses .
i know i owe you . i can apologize. if you think i'm too much for that ... then i can go home . i dont mind.

i'm very tired nao . but yet your words you've told me just now. i'm not able to sleep beside you  . and your attitude. i know i'll surely get hurt by you . idw to get wounds anymore....
cant be in jie room cos she wanted to sleep . i'm in the living room and i'm super sleepy. yet i coundnt sleep. have to work in the morning shift later, hesitating to go work anot......

sometimes i'm thinking ... i'm just 16 ... i wanna lead a life that every 16 year old is having now. to have some fun. nothing to think about . just enjoy life... everyone of u all have went through my age. why couldnt you all understand ?

y'know ? u've alr moved on the the pther stage already... but i'm not ready yet... i'm still young. i want to have fun.. cant you understand? i lil freedom... a lil care, a lil attention.. that's all.... is it that hard?
it's not like i'm gonna go fucking around ?

i'm afraid now i couldnt take your attitude anymore... once i couldnt... idk what i'll do... hope you know what to do ... these days... everyday wo guo de hen bu kuai le... nomatter at work, friends or with you.... i'm tired alreadyy ,, i've pulled through so long idk how long more i could take...

我爱你。

Started in my working life not long ... FUCKEDUP colleague -.-
Very tired .. But I've noticed that work can actually distract me alot .
I've noticed I've not been emo-ing ever sinced I've started work.
Though it's very tiring . But it's worth it I guess ..
Baobei ... Don't know why but I feel you swaying further from me each day.. Seemed so far .. Trying to get back the feeling .. But I can't seemed to get back that feeling .
Dreamt of you falling for another girl today.. I'm afraid that it might happen .. I cannot lose you. I really cannot lose you .. Idk why.. Sorry that I'm relying on you so much. But without you. It seems nothing alr ... Hais...
Caught a picture with you today. It's been a long time ever since we took a picture ...

Recently you Hav much family problem... I know you are very upset cos of this.. I'm sorry I can't do anything to help. I really hope I can do something bout it . But I can't .. I'm sorry ...