BEAUTIFUL MONSTER

Sianah

2012-02-03T03:54:00.001+08:00

I just noticed that I didn't go sch for quite a long time . Omg . I must get my ass up for sch alr . Gosh . Hais .
Mum got fired and now hav money problems again -.-
Everything's normal. And That Ck FINALLY CONTACTED ME ! -.- after so long ... Meeting him this Sunday with darling (: wonder if they both could get along . Hmmmm... Okay. It's late and I can't sleep . Having nuasea . I can't lie down. Once I lie down, I feel like vomitting . -.- Fuckthisshit. -.-

Qianqian:
I really miss u alot . And I'm worried abt . Wondering if u are feeling well. Wondering if u hav been eaten well. U must be god damn bored and scared. Being at a office with stray dogs ?! Wtf is this . I wonder what is ur daddy doing . I really miss u alot. Being alone must very depressing for u. Without ur daddy mommy with u. Being with a bunch of strangers . I'm sorry that Jiejie cannot go see u. I hope u know that I want to . But I don't hav a chance to. I hope u won't forget me . I really miss u alot Qian. And I'm very worried . I hope u are fine . I'll pray for u. I love you):

Okay. Pikkkturesss time! random ones ..

Bored 

2012-01-13T04:36:00.001+08:00

Hi (: I'm at shanhui's house with bibi. Damn not feeling well ): gonna go and see doctor again ltr . My cough and flu doesnt stop nomatter how much cough syrup I drink ): sad case .
Went over t woodland jetty just nao which is a 10 mins walk away. And I wasn't feeling well): I feel like Puking throughout th whole stay... ): I very sad ): my nostril and throat is so damn itchy with alot of flam ): I'm not able t sleep. Bibi is maple-ing away happily 
Headache ): sad ... Okaylah , pikturrrre tym ^^ 

Ps:// not all pics are taken on e same day. Some are veh long ago de ^^

Life.

2012-01-08T16:44:00.001+08:00

My life ? Is u ... Okay , I have no idea why are u so important t me too . And soon . If u continue treating me this way, no . U won't be anymore . I'll trying my fuckin best t not make u my first priority of my life . Seriously . Are u takin advantages of me just because I feel that u're my damn important person ? Fuck it okay ?
All u know is sleep , eat , play games & ur friends . What's more ?
U'll only treat me right for that few minutes when u nid smth . Then ?
I'm ur temper bin. NO MORE . have u really even cared abt me recently ? NO. Okay . Fuck life . I mean fuck you.

My dreams . They are hinting me again. Don't force me . To be in that way. I really had enough. This few days . I woke up with tears on e side of my cheeks . I had enough . I really do .
Don't force me . Fucker .

Seriously. I don't know what's so good about you. U hav serious attitude problem . A bloody flirt . Voilence . What's more can U do? Oh seriously.
Th only thing is that u financially support me . Nth else .
Didn't I treat u good enough ? Why treat me this way ? -'-

School.

2012-01-03T21:25:00.001+08:00

School didn't worked out for me today. It just feels so weird ... It seems As if I'm with a bunch of small kids .
I didn't talked today except asking for tissues . All I did was just nodding my head and smiling . It's like I'm a extra or smth.

It's always t new year I'm sick . Having flu and nausea . It doesn't feels good . I've been sneezing none stop during class ....

Th teacher intro-Ed me t e class like I'm some hooligan or smth. He said. "I don't know if she got a gang outside anot, it's for you t find out . So please don't bully her, she's been here longer then you. And she's older then all of you here " cork seriously .__.

Long principle talks are always so boring. Principle kept saying , u not happy , u transfer school. We have too many students here / or we will kick you out , there's so many schools out there that have NOT ENOUGH STUDENTS. Wdhh seriously -.-

School is just so boring ..

Pikkktureees time .. ~

2011-12-29T17:05:00.001+08:00

After I did so many things for you. You still don't get enough . When will you know how t cherish me ?
I'm always doing things for you . Yet I don't feel appreciated . Why ?
Why do u always wanna make me feel so disappointed . Seeing me tear, does that make u feel any btr ? ....
I've treated you good . But why ?
It's just that I'm not born with a good family background and I'm not in a wealthy family . But why? Why so big difference ? Why ? I don't understand . Why....

It's never like th same before .
Is this called karma ? Why does it strikes all Tgt ? And on my relationship?
I've done nth wrong . I love you . But all I get is betrayal .
Hate , yet love . This feeling. No one could understand ...

Why? Why must u treat me this way....

Did u ever felt lost ? Again. I'm feeling lost. Friends ? What are they?
They'll only appear when they nid help, or bored t death .
I'm alone again.... 想哭，但哭不出。想笑也笑不出。想到你我快要疯了。

I kinda miss our pass. Do you? 

2011-12-10T04:13:00.001+08:00

Sometimes , I don't talk abt it anymore doesn't mean I don't think about it anymore or it doesn't matter anymore .
It still matters alot... Just that I didn't say it out that's all.
Each time I suddenly think of th things you've done . My heart aches like never before . I still doubt myself of what I've told you is e right thing t do.
Tho I know even I I've tell you that it still matters , it wouldn't make a difference . I'm giving u th things that you want, th freedom you've wanted . And see if things would change . But I'm not sure if me myself could take it. Still. I don't have faith in you. And each tine you've done something that hav made me upset, I've got used to it . Is this something good?

I'm unasure if what I'm doing will help this relationship keep going and me myself will be comfortable with it.
I'm giving it a try and I hope it'll help.
I know I wouldn't like it. Or maybe end up with a cut in my heart. I really don't know . But I hope It won't hurt so much. I love you. But do you still. Having much thoughts in my mind again. I bid time t clear my doubts . I nid time t think about what I should do next. I nid time t make myself won't get hurt so much. I hope I could Get th fuck over it . I hate having complicated feelings that I'm having now. Always feeling down yet couldn't be shown . sighs

在你怀里的微笑

2011-12-03T16:42:00.001+08:00

Went to reborn my hair last night. Poor baby hav to wait for me so long :x but he was enjoying himself looking at girls too :3 HAHAHA.
Though I don't know what's wrong with you these days, but , I'm still loving you. Sorry for my poor attitude these days. I was just afraid of history will be repeated again. Sorry babe 

Th reborn service was damn fucked up -.- I hate it . Gosh. Hahah , okay nvm. Darling is still sleeping likka pig nao. Ohmygosh. 
Sweetdreams :3 

13th month anniversary .

2011-12-01T10:54:00.001+08:00

You're in camp. You're gonna bookout ltr. Your phone is not even able to get thru. -.- sian. There's alot of things I've been thinking which makes me pissed off .
In th past. Monthsary means alot to me. But u tell me "MONTHSARY NIA. WHAT'S TH BIG FUSS OVER IT"
So yea, I've get over it . Monthsary nia, what's th big fuss over it? -.- okay...

Baby you got me falling apart. 

2011-11-30T02:07:00.001+08:00

Things haven't been going smoothly . I wonder why. I've just re-read everything of our past. 3 different stages we've gone thru. Things changes. Isn't it? I missed everything thing we once had . Those moments where you're so afraid to lose me. Those moments you kiss me gently where heart beats faster. Thight hugs. Ur innocent look when you look into my eyes. Not afraid t tell everyone I'm your girlfriend. Things wouldn't go back like this isn't it?
You've just proved t me just now that you don't love me as much as th past, I'm not as important as ur friends , and sin tua. There's loads more that I wished I could say it all out and u could all understand it. But you just don't .....
If you'll notice me again. You'll know that I'm alone and afraid for months. I'm still here in e dark. Waiting for ur return . 

2011-11-26T15:40:00.001+08:00

sometimes i wonder. is this relationship right?do i really deserve treatments that i dont deserve t get?or is this actually what i really deserve?i dont know. questions doubt me alot. this relationship gave me alot of doubt. or should i say, YOU, gave me alot of doubt. i dont know, dont understand. yet very curious of all these answers. i know all my answers will not be answered anyway. it's obvious enough that all u want is freedom, preety girls, fun and "flirt" as i can see.but is this what u really want? what u really really want ?for a year plus relationship. dont u think it's time for u t settle down alr?you're 21 years old alr. i know you'll say it's not time yet. but when? u told me 35 years. do u think i could wait so long?i'm alr almost at my limits already. what do u expect?dont u think i've done enough?i've lose all my own friends. then quarrels. after that assuming that i had sex with all of YOUR friends that i've been out with. followed by all those betrayal you've done . why ?when i dress up, you'd say that i'm a very lose person & i dress up for wanting e mindset of flirting with your friends. when i dont , you think that i'm not good looking . there's alot of things that i'm very upset about . truths that is very unacceptable that i hav t accept. it's hard for me . y'know?i'm always alone. dispite being in a relationship with you. not by "face t face" being tgt, but mentally, physically, you're always not there. everything u do. seems t pissed me off. u knew i dont like it. but u still do it. is it very pleasing t see me getting hurt? is it so fun hurting me so much ? sometimes i wonder. are u really th right person t be with. to be in a relationship with me . is it?trying hard not t care doesnt seems like it's working . and i know you'll never be t one who understands me. even your SISTER understands me more then you do. even me, understand u more then u understand me. you arnt making any afforts in this relationship, yett, i'm th only one trying hard t make this relationship right. say it truefully, i'm still hesitating t continue this relationship . t continue get hurt by you again and again . i'm still very lost. who will be by my side this time ? defitnately not u i know.

2011-11-20T05:08:00.000+08:00

We've been quarreling very often these days. It it really gonna end alr? Hav I alr given up? Questions in my mind . Not answered. Having insomnia . Trying t get all my question answered. I only hav very great disappointment in you.
Once again, i'm feeling very lost. What should I do? What can I do?
I'm breaking down. With ur attitude.
I don know what should I do.
Struggling alone... This time. Who will be there for me ? Hugging me. Tellin me everythings alright. ?
Remeber what you've told me on 011110?
You held me close and told me.
From today , you're mine. I won't let u shed a single tear. I'll always be here for you. Protecting u. I won't let anyone harm you. Scare you. I will take Care of you.

Are all these words fake? It's been a year. We've been thru so much. Why? Why are these things happening?
Are you bored of me alr? Are u?

I'm doubting alot of things in my mind. Thinking alot of things. But my answers will never be answered. I'm afraid. Very afraid. I'm trying not t tear. Trying not t break down. Cause I know this time , no one will be here for me
anymore . I afraid of this feeling . Th feeling of losing someone. Th feeling of being hurt.
But once again. I had this feeling again.. Help.. Can someone help me!

Day 24 - the person that gave you your favorite memory.

2011-11-06T20:39:00.000+08:00

weiqiang. he's th one who gave me e greatest memorize and th worse .
you'll never know how much hurt and pain you're giving these days. i couldnt take th stress. i'm really breaking down . sooner or later..
why ? am i really not that good enuf for u ?

really? really not good enuf?
i made 3 whishesh on my birthday. and that 3 is all wishing about u .
1st, is hoping that u can be faithful t me.
2nd, if hoping u can commit t this relationship.
3rd - not gonna say.

this year's birthday is recieving disappointment and tears.
i've been crying throughout today.

i dont know what t say. but just disappointment i can say.
hurt... really.

so what if you're financially supporting me? it makes me feel that i'm like a chicken.
that u want me just for ur needs. it's not just for today. it's been months that i have this feeling . we've been swaving away very fast. but you're trying ur best t hurt me . and i'm trying my best t heal myself.

if one day some how i just move on without you. even if u beg me back. i wont .

my birthday present my boyfr and my family gave me this year is just tears ...

fuck

2011-10-29T00:00:00.001+08:00

fuck facebook -'-

and fuckyou. rmb what u say and mark ur fuvking words. if i do e same back t you. u make sure u dont kaopeh kao bu. knn, i wont fucking believe ur words again and make myself feel like an idoit. machiam ur ah sam, ur dog . ur slave. -'-
nbcb.
you're making me hating u more and more each time. continue you're fucking attitude and try me. i have my limits too . not because that i'm youre girlfriend u can fucking treat me like that . pcb. i'm not your sex slave and n ot ur toy.
i gave u many chances. catching u red handed being unfaithful t me .l but i still forgive u .
and now i still need t endure ur stupid attitude . go and bang th wall and die. fuck. fuck you seriously.
i didnt see someone so selfish before . only think for yourself. like did u ever think of me before. wtf . its not like i've mistreated u or what?!

though you've supported me financially . but if becuase u supported me financially wise and u treat me like shit. 0i'll rather go find some poor brat with better atttitude that will cherish me and treat me right with respect and care. i had enough . if you're not gonna stop all this shit that i dont deserve . than i'll stop it. u give me hell i give u hell too . -'-
fuck u , fuck ur life, fuck ur fucking attitude . fuckfuckfuckfuck . mother fucker.

THUNDER T.T

2011-10-19T16:57:00.001+08:00

It's raining. And fuck e thunder 
Scarin me. So loud. Tssktssk.
And my boyfr. Fuck him too -.-
Want lie cant u lie cleanly abit ? Gosh.
Okay wadever 

I'm super bored and e rain making me so nuaaaaaaaa. Ohmygoshh.
Lazy uh. Tmrw boyfr den bookout lor.
And i'm alr very sure what's he gonna do. I hope i wont get angry seriously. 
Okay. Blog Again real soon(:

Short post 

2011-10-18T16:59:00.001+08:00

Sometimes. I know what you're thinking. How u feel. But sometimes, i act that i dont know, dont understand. Cause I just cant accept th facts. .

I'M BACK 

2011-10-16T23:41:00.001+08:00

Currently at 30th floor with baobei & rong jun (: okay, i'm kinda bored. :x
Later going home riao. Sian. Wahpiang, later Confirm got alot bed bugs .__.
Hais. This few days so bored neh. Waliao. -.- bibi also dont want go out, wtf -.- hahaha. Okayokay. He's also kinda kewt these days :3 HEHE. <3
Last night went chalet with bibi. He's friend birthday. (:
Hao, done. Peeektuuuureee time :3

Happy birthday.

2011-10-07T03:51:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday boy <3
Though looking at u just now make think of ur flirtationship and i'm super devastated and angry. But ur act cute smile with that kuku dimples just makes me forget about th sadness and hatred. Just for that period of time. 21 years old alr. Btr guai abit also okay ? (:

Okay, i'll start complaining!
Recently so much thibgs happened. U have too much flirting case. And everything corked up during my exam period :/ . Firstly , u flirt too much and u have over confidence that i wont breakup with u. But end up i did. And u asked hold me back.
I gave u a last chance. But this time i'm letting u go, if i've seen u talked t girls in a flirty manner or doing things behind my back and that's it.
I'm not Gonna hold on anymore.and if u want me t stop checking on you, then prove t me that u can be trusted.
I've trusted u too many times. Not so much faith this time..

MOFO.

2011-10-04T01:55:00.000+08:00

Yeah.thanks. thanks for making me believing in ur stupid lies over and over again.
thanks . thanks for making me not being able t sleep everynight gor two weeks alr. thanks okay ?
goodjob. i like. maybe making u feel e same thing will make u change. i should try it on u . say i'm th one whose flirting? Looks who's flirting now? (Y). cool ehyzxc.
MOTHERFUCKER.

DAY 23 - th last person u kissed

2011-10-02T06:22:00.001+08:00

Mr Wang Wei Qiang.

It's been a long time every since i've blog. I'm having imsomnia thanks t my boyfriend. Been quarreling with him for almost EVERYDAY. i dont understand why. I hope things wont continue this way.
Hais. Andandand !! I hopw rashesh and itchyness on my body aint chicken pox! Cause i dont wanna have them nao): cause exam is this monday and my boyfriend's birthday is coming. I dont wanna miss out th fun): 8 more days. Hope time passed fast):

Anyway, random pics ! (: 

hongster never die, tiongxim ccb. ?

2011-09-27T03:43:00.001+08:00

do u still remember th first time I brought u t sky garden during Chinese new year? .
we both toned there and had our first H2H talk there. we didn't get bored.
these sweet memorize.
难道这些开心的日子都是骗人的吗？
难道在你嘴里说出来的话，都是假的？
we've been thru so much. seen u change so much. those happy and sad moments . are they really fake ?

I feel like I'm really breaking down le.
two days le. and I can't sleep. you're th only person that can make me feel like that. I'm tired le, really. I gave up. lost hope.

is guys really all like that?
sighs. i dont know what t do.
I don't wanna end this relationship. but I'm really breaking down. endure. how long can I endure. another four days t 11th month alr. I endured for so long alr. if this gonna cont. I will breakdown for sure.

though I'm giving another chance. but there's still a cut on me. and it hurts alot. I'm giving u time. hoping u will change. I will act as is I know nothing and treat it as nothing happened. but if it happened again. I won't give another chance anymore.

it's haunting me everyday. trust u? everytime i wanted t trust u. things like this happened. it's not th first time alr. how am I suppose t trust u.

11 months. u told me u loved me. is this all just a lie?

I can't accept th facts that happen . but what I can do? I can't do anything.